You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
