I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
