You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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