So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
