walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
