Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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