Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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