I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
