You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
please don't ironically join a cult
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