Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
