I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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