new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
