I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
