I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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