I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She needs sedatives and a leash
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
