i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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