K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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