i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
