So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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