just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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