I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
