I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
