There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
