It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
