Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm passing your future prison.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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