I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
