never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
