I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
