Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
