i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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