Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
