I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
