he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
