Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
