Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
