Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
