Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
