the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
