There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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