question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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