it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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