you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
