considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
