I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
