My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
