Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
