My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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