I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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