chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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