mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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