Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
