she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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