The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
