i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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